When You Ask Why Some Women Are Childfree By Choice

What happens when you speak with women who are childfree by choice and ask why they are childfree?

It really depends why you ask, the way you ask, and what your intention is, and how you will react. The thing to really ask yourself is, why do you ask? Do you ask the LGBTQ+ community why “they are that way”? (I hope not).

So I have been doing interviews for my Childfree song as you may know, and I’m going to share here in several blog posts my story, written by me. So here goes Part 1:

“When did I decide I would never have children?”

It was never something that I had to decide or think about. Like when you’re going to buy a car and you live in a big city and you have to weigh the pros and cons and see which is really the best thing to do. I didn’t have to do that, no.

Very early, I had this strong feeling that having children wouldn’t be for me. I felt very independent early, maybe at around 15 years old? I shared that feeling only with a friend as we had an innocent conversation typical of our teenage years. She was the one that opened the topic with “how about you, how many kids do you want later, do you want a boy or a girl?” (Which sounds so naive, like if mothers could pick the sex of their child). The answer was pretty easy, I said “oh I don’t think I will have children, it’s not for me, I don’t see it in my future. I see many different things but not this”. It was a true insight.

I didn’t block myself though. I knew I didn’t see myself with children ever in my future but in the same time I wanted to leave it open for me just in case if in my late thirties I would have achieved so many things that I’d be bored and that I’d decide to have one right then. I think because I saw Madonna had a child in her late thirties and I hadn’t imagined that she would, so I thought that could be a possibility for me if I chose to. But I didn’t change my mind as soon as my mid-twenties I knew for sure.

“How did my family react?”

My parents never pressured me with the “get married and have children as soon as possible” or the “when are you gonna give us grand-babies” after I got married. I can’t really think about anyone in my direct family that ever did that. I was raised and pushed to get a good education, a job that I liked, and do the things that fulfill my life whatever they are. When I was a little girl I loved “Jem and the Hollograms” – she was my first singing inspiration – and I had these dolls with Barbie dolls but I also played with remote controlled cars and boats or Majo-Kit (legos) that our dad introduced us to. I think that shows a lot about the general conditioning of girls though. If all the little girls were not conditioned to play with baby dolls and were NOT repeated constantly that they will have children one day, how many would end up knowing clearly about whether they DO want to have any children, and how many would NOT make the mistake to have kids and poorly raise them as deep inside they have other priorities, passions and dreams? I think there would be a lot less mental illness on the planet in the mothers that have repressed their true purpose in life and in the unwanted children that were put into this world to satisfy a demand from their mother’s family. For example pressure from a grandmother of 2 generations ago that is absolutely not in touch with the other roles that women have on this planet NOW, in 2022.

Tune in for Part 2 in 2 weeks.